there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
