So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
