What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
