I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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