I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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