Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
