i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
