Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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