You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
