he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
