It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
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He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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