so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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