never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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