there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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