I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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