Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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