How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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