Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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