If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
