Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
two words: eviction party
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
