The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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