and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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