No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
