So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he puts the penis in happiness.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
