HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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