I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I party with great urgency now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
