fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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