I need help removing her.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
