next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
