I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
