I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
