a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
