i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
