cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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