I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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