I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize