i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
