i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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