Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
