i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
