I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just invented taco cereal.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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