I'm lost and stupid without you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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