do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
