she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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