He felt like a one man threesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
