what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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