You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
