Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
