I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
