okay pat passed out under dana's car
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
