She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
