I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Text me some of your sweat
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
