just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
