I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
