i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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