OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
