Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
