He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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