Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.