When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate