All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life